The 35 Most Retarded Tabloid Headlines Of All Time
As you can see, the Internet is in fact powered by an Apple Power Mac 7500. I knew it all along!
Skynet really fucked this one up.
Next time you get an email with an attachment, don’t open it unless you want to be blown to smithereens! All PCs comes with a bomb. Apple has not yet joined the “Blown To Smithereens” alliance so your mac should be relatively safe.
Not only did he kick a terrorist, he kicked a fucking burning terrorist IN THE BALLS. This guy is my hero.
The karate baby could kick that ape’s ass.
All doctors are aliens. This is NOT NEWS!
Yes, the Clinton era economic boom was shaped by aliens. Aliens hate Bush so they didn’t help a brotha out. Plus the whole Skynet / Alien partnership never worked out. Aliens can’t stand retarded robots (Dick).
Banks will fail, stock market will crash, worldwide depression… This headline was 8 ahead of its time.
Lincoln was a chick with a bigass beard. Nice…
“This was worse than Hurricane Andrew” because Hurricane Andrew apparently blew peoples’ hair off.
More crazy white folk being crazy.
Rednecks caught Osama in Missouri and found the blueprints to a Nuclear Power Plant on him while the treasury was printing “disappearing ink” money and the country’s trees were being attacked by a vegan vampire. Nice.
Everyone knows that all Rednecks ARE aliens.
Bat Boy even has his own musical.
We discovered a new race of aliens a long time ago. Its called PETA.
I can haz lethal injection?
We already know aliens had full control of the Clinton presidency. Hillary got it on with aliens while Bill was pimpin human interns.
Finally! 200 women to be sold on eBay. Been waiting for this moment my entire life. The retarded eBay execs would probably approve this auction too. PayPal would even offer seller protection and hold payment until all the hoez are delivered.
Another idiot who claims to cure cancer through psychic powers.
The secular folk are going to dig this.
What else is new…
I guarantee you some tobacco company exec has this framed on his wall.
Talking cats are not a secret. We all know that cats talk. Just got to icanhascheezburger.com and see for yourself.
Rosie O’Donnell could replace bigfoot on here and the headline would not change one bit.
How is this news! This happens all the time damn it.
One word – Junior
Who doesn’t worship Oprah! Its a cult damn it. The Oprah book club suggestions are secret messages to her alien worshipers.
Bigfoot is apparently a homosexual beast who loves trailer park trash lumberjacks. Good times all around.
Hillary attacks EVERYTHING damn it. Get a clue Globe.
We all know Michael Jackson is not human. He may even be Hillary’s alien baby
LEO MADE IT!
Only James Woods can kick Vampire Terrorist ass!
THIS IS THE ONLY HEADLINE ON HERE THAT IS WITH OUT A DOUBT 100% TRUE.
This headline is pure gold.
Holy pow! This one is true but still amusing.
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Comments
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terrible
October 24th, 2008 at 10:21 amSeriously – the headlines are already funny – why ruin them with your retarded fucking comments.
Again – I hope you get AIDS and die.
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Mike
October 25th, 2008 at 5:23 amSo you know, the Sun and Daily Express headlines are fakes.
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kal
October 25th, 2008 at 11:55 amThis sucks
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Jon
October 25th, 2008 at 12:34 pmWeekly World News is also (clearly) meant to be humorous. I want my 10 minutes back.
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Buch
October 25th, 2008 at 12:54 pmYes, the Sun and Express are fakes. Those papers simply don’t publish joke or made-up stories (well…). They’re serious papers.
And I’m pretty sure that last one actually happenned!
I loved the vegan vampires!
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Izzy
October 25th, 2008 at 4:00 pmSeriously… all the British ones (Sun, Daily Express) are fake apart from the Daily Record one. The Daily Express one is someone making fun of the newspaper.
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Lor
October 25th, 2008 at 5:13 pmjust so you know, Weekly World News is a parody, as well.
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Jay
October 25th, 2008 at 6:29 pmMany people believe the New York Post is a legitimate newspaper here in NYC…I’ve been saying otherwise for years…
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liam
October 26th, 2008 at 8:49 amthe daily record one is true. terrorists failed when trying to blow up a scottish airport they crashed a car into one of the terminals and the bombs failed to go off. one of the terrorists tried to flee, but one of the airport workers caught him and beat him up until the police arrived. dont know how true it is that he tore a tendon though
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Anonymous
October 26th, 2008 at 12:57 pmThis is terrible.
You fail at comedy.
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tontdoch
October 26th, 2008 at 1:11 pmThe Daily Record one is definitely true. A baggage handler (Alan Smeaton)also knocked out the burning terrorist and said on tv later “Come to Glasgow and we’ll sort you out”. Makes me proud to be a Glaswegian!
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SALTY
October 26th, 2008 at 2:59 pmKristin Kreuk should be in this list
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anon
October 26th, 2008 at 3:10 pmYeah, your comments aren’t funny. Just saying “holy pow” after the image says “holy pow” adds nothing.
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Bizzare and Hilarious Tablois Titles! | BrainsOFF.com - A place to switch your brains off
October 26th, 2008 at 4:37 pm[...] Click on the image [...]
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Dave and Thomas » Monday Morning Links For Your Hangover
October 26th, 2008 at 10:18 pm[...] The 35 Most Retarded Tabloid Headlines Of All Time [...]
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Anonymous
October 26th, 2008 at 10:35 pmDude, Christian Bale really did beat his mom.
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Anonymous
October 27th, 2008 at 2:43 amThe Onion is the only paper I take seriously.
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Kris Akabussi
October 27th, 2008 at 4:25 amAwooga. Seriously, what a load of crap.
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ManDingo
October 27th, 2008 at 5:08 amWow guys… none of you can read a title before clicking the link?? It says “35 most retarded tabloid headlines of all time”. What did you expect? An award winning essay?? God you people are idiots. And if it took you ten minutes to read this article, you’re obviously slow… dumbasses.
Good job on compiling these, dude. Don’t listen to the haters. They’re just jealous.
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Snake
October 27th, 2008 at 12:39 pmhas any one else noticed nearly all of them are from the same retarded newspaper? also daily star and the sun 1’s ar obviously fake
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עילגת | תרכיז: הם מצטברים!
November 5th, 2008 at 10:04 am[...] עלול להיות חייזר. אברהם לינקולן היה אשה. כל זאת ועוד ב35 כותרות הצהובונים הכי מופרכות. תמיד רציתי לקרוא איזה כתבה כזאת ולראות איך הם מגבים [...]
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James Hudnall
November 27th, 2008 at 11:35 pmThere were some in the 70s that were even funnier. I remember one from like 1979, “Escaped Clones of Elvis go on Murder Rampage”
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awesome comments
November 30th, 2008 at 2:52 ami lolled
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kill the poor
November 30th, 2008 at 2:53 amI’ve got a Porche
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knock knock
November 30th, 2008 at 2:55 amwho’s there?
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George
November 30th, 2008 at 2:55 amAnd I have a gigantic dick. Fortunately, it doesn’t need a chip.
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lern 2 spel
November 30th, 2008 at 2:57 amit’s Porsche fuckwit
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BobTheBeheader
November 30th, 2008 at 2:58 amThis is terrible. The time I wasted reading this page. I actually stopped masturbating to read this. And they were some really hawt kids I was watching. If they’ve gone inside by the time I get back to the window, i’m going to be so pissed.
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Dark Pulse
November 30th, 2008 at 2:59 amI was told there would be cock here
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BobTheBeheader
November 30th, 2008 at 3:05 amDark Pulse, you’re wrong.
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kill the poor
November 30th, 2008 at 3:07 amThat’s as maybe but daddy says watch your step as little people like you are easily disposed of
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BobTheBeheader
November 30th, 2008 at 3:13 amYour daddy and I take photos of you whilst you sleep. You’re our cumbucket.
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kill the poor
November 30th, 2008 at 3:15 amIt’s cool. He’s cutting me in on the deal
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kill the poor
November 30th, 2008 at 3:16 amIt is really good for your skin too
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BobTheBeheader
November 30th, 2008 at 3:17 amAh, I love willing children.
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kill the poor
November 30th, 2008 at 3:20 amEach to their own i suppose but i like em kicking & screaming
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George
November 30th, 2008 at 3:20 amMore cowbell. ’nuff said.
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Boob teh Headgiver
November 30th, 2008 at 3:20 amI approve this message
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Vault Dweller 101
November 30th, 2008 at 3:27 amBongo bongo bongo I don’t want to leave the congo oh no no no no no no no
Bingle bangle bungle I’m so happy in the jungle I refuse to go -
kookimebux
February 1st, 2009 at 2:03 pmHello. And Bye.
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Terika
April 15th, 2009 at 10:10 amMichael Jackson is human and i hate tabloids they are all rediculous.
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Zelsiwolf44
May 23rd, 2009 at 3:58 pmMichael Jackson is a great person (and obviously human). Don’t you ever add to the lies that the tabloids print about him. That is just total and complete ignorance.
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Joe
July 11th, 2009 at 6:34 pmWeekly world news is satire. Idiot.
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ryan p
July 30th, 2009 at 10:10 ami like turtles
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Anonymous
August 9th, 2009 at 8:40 pmi remember reading a lot of these in the checkout area at my local grocery store =).
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jasmine
October 22nd, 2009 at 12:21 pmomg lolz…
yall need to get a life! -
jokingkong
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:56 pmAre they kidding???? The World Weekly News is written to be the retarded trash it is. Nothing in that paper is to be taken serious!
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Geek Writers » Writing Prompt for February
January 28th, 2010 at 12:43 pm[...] http://www.rockthelist.com/2008/10/02/the-35-most-bizarre-tabloid-headlines-ever/ http://www.manofest.com/Content/the-40-funniest-tabloid-headlines-of-all-time.html Finally, there [...]
